Broken Glasses
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- Published: Sunday, 03 September 2023 08:21
- Written by Joyce Lu
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As I sat by the tranquil Semeba River, my heart overflowed with profound emotions as I reflected on my transformative pilgrimage to Mt. Murud. Before the journey, my soul carried a deep longing to encounter God personally, and the words of Job 42:5, "My ears had heard of You, but now my eyes have seen You," resounded within me, igniting a thirst for a deeper connection with the Divine.
In preparation for this sacred pilgrimage, I dedicated myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, seeking to align with God's purposes and surrender wholly to His will. However, beneath the surface of my devotion, a relentless undercurrent of overwhelming fear and insecurity gripped my soul. The passing of my mother left me feeling like an orphan, with an inexplicable void that yearned for parental guidance and love. As I approached the age of 60, this fear intensified when my father was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, a cruel reminder of the neurological disorders that afflicted both my parents.
With each passing day, the shadow of uncertainty about my own health loomed larger, and my mind became a battleground of anxious thoughts. "What if I too inherit these debilitating diseases?" I found myself pondering. The prospect of ageing and the potential burden of care during sickness consumed my thoughts, leaving me adrift in a sea of apprehension. The fear of becoming a burden to others during my old age tormented me, as I wondered who would care for me in my time of vulnerability.
Yearning for security and reassurance, I allowed a friend to introduce a man into my life, thinking that he would bring stability and love to my journey through old age. It was a decision driven by my fears, and I soon discovered that I was terribly mistaken. The man I thought would provide security and love turned out to be nothing more than a deceitful opportunist, preying on my vulnerability and taking advantage of my emotional state. My heart was left broken by the realization that what I had hoped for was not genuine. The emotional hurt was profound, leaving scars.
But the pain did not end there. I trusted another friend who convinced me to invest my retirement fund in what seemed like promising ventures. The allure of potential high returns blinded me to the risks involved, and I naively followed their advice. Unfortunately, the investments turned out to be nothing but a mirage, and I watched helplessly as my hard-earned savings were swept away like the waves of the sea.
Financially broken and emotionally wounded, I found myself at the lowest point of my life. All I desired in that dark moment was to experience God's love and peace, to find solace in His presence amidst the chaos of my circumstances. It was a humbling realization that earthly pursuits and human relationships could not provide the security and fulfilment I longed for. My spirit yearned for something greater, something eternal – the unwavering love and everlasting security that only God could offer.
The emotional weight of this journey was immeasurable, and it distorted my once unwavering view of God. I yearned for clarity and reassurance, desperate for a glimpse of hope amidst the darkness of my fears. It was within this turbulent storm of emotions that I embarked on the pilgrimage, seeking solace and answers, longing to encounter God in a way that would ease the trembling of my heart.
As the arduous path to Mt. Murud unfolded, I found solace in the breathtaking beauty of nature that surrounded me. Captivated by God's wonderful creation, I immersed myself in the journey, capturing countless pictures that filled my heart with joy and gratitude. The sight of the giant pear-shaped pitcher plants, often called monkey cups, served as a poignant reminder of God's tender care—a testament that just as He nurtures these plants, He lovingly watches over and cares for me as His precious child. This reminded me of the Scripture that says, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." (Matthew 6:28-29). God Himself revealed to me He is the ultimate caretaker.
Upon reaching the Christian camp, the absence of electricity and a delayed sleep bag delivery brought about a profound revelation. In the darkness, I searched for my spectacles, only to find them broken beneath my sleep bag. It was a stark reality hit, and I felt as though God was gently reminding me of my distorted vision and thoughts, reassuring me that He would realign my perspective with His divine will. Despite living in a world of blur without my spectacles, I learned to connect with Him on a spiritual level, realizing that clarity comes not through the eyes but through the soul. As the Scripture affirms, "For we live by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7)
The pinnacle of the convention was the genuine and sincere worship and heartfelt prayers offered by my fellow brothers and sisters. Their wholehearted devotion, devoid of pretence and performances, revealed the purity of their hearts. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Matthew 5:8) Amidst the worship, I was unexpectedly blessed with a vision of Jesus descending in a white robe—a tangible presence that affirmed His love and purity as all I needed in every aspect of life. This divine revelation brought immense comfort and reassurance, anchoring me in the truth of Job 42:5, which resonated deeply in my soul.
Beyond the tangible presence of Jesus, I experienced God's touch through the warmth and kindness of many, who extended their helping hands selflessly. Notably, Sister Cindy Chow, whom I met during the convention, exemplified God's love and care through her generous act of sharing her little stool, easing the discomfort of my back fracture. Moreover, God revealed Himself through a 78-year-old sister, Brenda Pui, whose zeal for God showed me that age is not a barrier to experiencing His presence and love. This experience shattered my preconceived notions about ageing and revealed God's unchanging love and grace.
Contemplating this sacred pilgrimage, I realized it was not merely a physical journey, but a profound encounter with God's love and presence. The theme of my broken spectacles serves as a poignant reminder that God can work through our brokenness, aligning our perspectives with His truth and grace. I am loved and cared for by Him, regardless of any uncertainties.
As I return from this transformative experience, I carry with me the lessons of embracing God's presence through brokenness and relinquishing my anxieties about ageing and being cared for. The stunning landscapes, the unique plants, the genuine worship, and the warmth of human kindness have all become symbols of His constant guidance and love.
Moving forward, I pray to see the world through the lens of His purity, extending His warmth and kindness to others, just as it was extended to me. This pilgrimage has been a revelation of God's faithfulness, and I am humbled by His love and presence throughout this journey. I entrust my future to His care, knowing that His love and security transcend all uncertainties and fears.